The grief-stricken grandmother of a young surfer who killed himself has revealed his last tragic words and his plea to relatives in the letters he left behind for his family.
The body of Logan Steinwede was discovered by his grandparents on November 6, just weeks after the promising surfer celebrated his 20th birthday on October 1.
He was the stepson of NRL star Kieran Foran who married Logan’s mother, Karina, in 2018 after she split with Logan’s father and motivational speaker Mat Steinwede.
At Logan’s heartwrenching funeral at EV Church in Erina on the NSW Central Coast on Friday, his nan Karen Coulson revealed the family were still searching for answers.
The emotion-charged service was attended by about 1,000 mourners and ended with a powerful Haka-style tribute as the coffin left the church.
Standing on stage next to Logan’s coffin and his beloved surfboard and didgeridoo, grandmother Coulson relived the awful moment she ‘found him early that morning’ and said she had had since cried ‘oceans of tears’.
But she also said his death had brought his family closer, in line with his last wishes revealed in the notes he left for each of his shattered loved ones.
At Logan Steinwede’s heartwrenching funeral at EV Church in Erina on the NSW Central Coast on Friday, his nan Karen Coulson revealed the family were still searching for answers. His stepfather, footy star Kieran Foran, was one of his pallbearers
Logan’s mother Karina (pictured centre) – who married Foran in 2018 – after she split with Logan’s father and motivational speaker Mat Steinwede
Logan’s father Mat was accompanied by loved ones at the funeral
The emotion-charged service was attended by around 1000 mourners, young and old, and ended with a powerful Haka-style tribute as the coffin left the church
The body of Logan Steinwede (pictured) was discovered by his grandparents on November 6, just weeks after the promising surfer celebrated his 20th birthday on October 1
‘The big question is, “Why?” What happened? Why didn’t we see it?’ she said.
She revealed that Logan had spent his last day on a fishing expedition with mates who had told the family he seemed fine, apart from breaking the remote control of his car key.
‘On Sunday night, he bounced in the door after fishing with the boys,’ she told mourners packing out the church’s pews for the two hour service.
‘He seemed happy and normal and we were watching TV. We had a quick chat about the weekend and then he said he was heading up to bed as he had to be up early.
‘He thumped down the stairs and as he ran, he called out his last words to us. He said, “Love you Nan! Love you, Pop!” And we called back, “Love you, Logan!”
‘You couldn’t say, “I love you too”, because he wanted you to say his name. He wanted to hear you say, “I love you Logan”. He said he has us trained…’
It was the last words they ever spoke. The following morning, they found his body in his room.
‘He’d left a note on the table for each member of the family,’ she sobbed.
‘In it, he said he was grateful for the love and the help he had had – but he had a plea.
‘His plea was for that those he loved to be “mutual” – to reconnect, to have each other’s back. He used the word “mutual”, love – to have each other.’
Ms Coulson said Logan’s words had already had a huge impact on his family and friends.
‘From that day, even though we’ve all struggled with the sadness, I’ve seen massive shifts in everybody in the family,’ she said.
‘People digging really deep, stepping out of their comfort zone, to cross chasms that have been made, to reconnect, to be mutual, to do what Logan wanted.’
She said in hindsight, there had been some warning signs all may not have been well with Logan, who was remembered as fearless and loyal by all who knew him.
‘Looking back, there were some indicators, but they were woven into our everyday,’ she said. ‘A conversation where he said some things, voiced concerns.
‘When I picked him up on the Tuesday of that week, he sobbed as I drove him home. I said to his Pop, “Logan broke his heart tonight”.
‘But I just didn’t realise how deep it was. We just didn’t see the signs through the big happy persona that he had.’
Mourners at the funeral heard Logan’s death had brought his family closer, in line with his last wishes revealed in the anguished notes he left for each of his shattered loved ones (family members pictured above, including his mother Karina)
Logan’s nan Karen Coulson revealed her grandson’s last tragic words to her
Logan’s grandmother said she had cried an ocean of tears since finding his body in his room
Mourners of all ages attended to pay their last respects to the ‘fearless and loyal’ surfer
Friends and family spoke of their love for Logan and his unwavering love for his friends
Logan’s devastated mother Karina struggled through her moving heartfelt tribute to her son.
She revealed she had visited him in the funeral home on Thursday and shared one last kiss with him.
‘I went to see you yesterday,’ she said. ‘And although I know it wasn’t you, I felt you. Your spirit warmed me.
‘Your life was so full, but far from complete. A piece of us lost in emptiness. I don’t know how to breathe. I don’t know how to sleep any more.
‘I don’t want to wake up. All I want is you. I want to talk to you. I want to feel you come into a room and feel your energy.
Logan’s father Mat (pictured) recalled some of his son’s dangerous exploits as a child, including surfing towering 10m waves when he was just 9 years old
‘I want you to throw Kieran over your shoulder like you did and start challenging him to a wrestle!
‘I know you’re here…. I can feel you in and around the water.’
Logan’s father Mat recalled some of his son’s dangerous exploits as a child, including surfing towering 10m waves when he was just nine years old, and paid tribute to the positive impact girlfriend, Charli Bond, had on Logan.
‘It was at this point that Logan suddenly lived life his way, the way he wanted to do it,’ he said, struggling to keep his emotions in check. ‘He became a man.
‘I kept waiting for the call to come from Logan to say ”I’ve done it – I’ve got life sorted”. But that call never came.
‘I’ve rebuilt many things in my life – marriages, businesses, myself – but I can never rebuild my heart. I cannot rebuild what happened.’
The service included musical tributes from Logan’s grandfather Chris Coulson and his sister Paris, who sang James Blunt’s Monsters.
It included the lines: ‘I’m not your son, you’re not my father, We’re just two loved ones saying goodbye…Brother, close your eyes, don’t be afraid…
‘It’s my turn to chase the monsters away.’
When the funeral cortege left the church, Logan’s mother was supported by Kiwi-born Gold Coast Titans Foran as some mourners performed a powerful Maori haka-style tribute
Grieving friends then formed a guard of honour as the coffin was then driven out the church, followed by Logan’s parents and his brothers and sisters
Mourners then moved to one of Logan’s favourite surfing spots at nearby MacMasters Beach for a wake in his honour
When the funeral cortege left the church, Logan’s mother was supported by Kiwi-born Gold Coast Titans Foran as some mourners performed a powerful Maori haka-style tribute.
Grieving friends then formed a guard of honour as the coffin was then driven out the church, followed on foot by Logan’s parents and his brothers and sisters.
Mourners then moved to one of Logan’s favourite surfing spots at nearby MacMasters Beach for a wake in his honour.
A further tribute will be held a 9am on Sunday when surfers have been invited to paddle out in his memory at Terrigal Haven.
Lifeline: 13 11 14
Suicide Callback Service: 1300 659 467
Mensline Australia: 1300 789 987
Kids Helpline: 1800 55 1800